From the “God I Hope this is a Troll, But Im not so Sure” Files

Wow… just wow… For those of you who want a dose of stupid this morning, I have a good one for you. This morning I was just cruising the GT forums really just to get some casual entertainment while I woke up and stumbled on a topic that made me kinda chuckle in the PC section:

Now, you know I clicked this. After all, I remember how badly GTA IV was ported and I figured this would be some wise-ass telling Rockstar not to bother because they didn’t want more shitty games. So, again, looking for a light chuckle, I clicked. And found myself face to face with a youtube video about how someone made a petition on to prevent it…. and already had 8000 signatures. As per the link, he isn’t making this shit up. Someone actually put this up.

A part of me wants to call this a troll petition. After all, it’s literally 2 lines: one to state the case in one sentence: “So PC Gamers learn their lesson and stop stealing games.” The other is of course the one sentence generic signature that you would get if you just signed. But at the same time, it was maybe two months ago I had to write about another stupid petition on the very same site in which at the time of writing, 20,000 people had signed up asking Microsoft to bring back XBox One to the way it was announced with all it’s DRM shit. So I just can not be sure.

If this is simple trolling, then bravo. It is brilliant in it’s own way. The author clearly knows people are overly sensitive to seeing games go where they don’t want them to. Just the rise of internet hate when Bayonetta 2 was announced as a WiiU exclusive should say that (you know, ignoring the fact that Nintendo was the only one willing to fund the project and be the publisher). They will very likely call out fanbois on all sides, either in anger that you dare knock the “PC Master Race” (that in itself having been made as a joke in the same tune as those “what X thinks I do” posters that were all the rage on Facebook a little while ago, but stupid people on all sides still kinda miss the point), while others will froth at the mouth and roar out their will to see the newest (oldest) competition and threat to their beloved box’s apparent dominance never get a chance to come out.

To these idiots on all sides, I really only have one thing to say. Get a life. Seriously get out there, and get a fucking life. Your device of choice does not define you. It only defines what you want out of your gaming experience, be it the simplicity of a controller on your couch or the freedom to choose what you play with (including all complications that come with it). That is literally it. You are all fucking gamers, and you all fucking play games. But these idiots who act like this, maybe you really shouldn’t be.

But then, there is a potential here that the author of this petition is serious, and trying to claim it’s to punish pirates. That would make him at least as retarded as the people I speak of. Yes, PC is known for piracy, but it’s like most myths of the machine, kinda old and outdated and in this case for a few reasons:

  1. It’s not exclusive to PC: It may not take as much work as on consoles, but it it happens on consoles too. In fact, the only platform I’ve ever heard of basically dying because of piracy was a hand-held console… the PSP. (Well, I’ve heard accusations that it killed Dreamcast too, but bullshit. It was probably the final nail, but PS2 killed Dreamcast for the most part.) Fact of the matter is that piracy is everywhere, and wherever AAA games go with AAA pricing, the piracy will follow the fastest. Assholes are gonna be assholes and thieves are gonna steal. Period
  2. Sales keep going up: Games like COD and Madden will likely never make the PC sales they do on any one console. That is fact. But what is also fact is that PC and digitial sales in general are climbing like hell, year after year. So yes, piracy is a problem and it’s very public on PC (where admittedly, it started), but if piracy was the problem it was claimed to be, you would NOT see sales and profits climb like this.

Of course it could also be this guy is a console gamer who just wants to be 8 and get the game in less people’s hands rather then more based on what box they like to play on. In which case, I must clap. You, Sir, have shown us all the idiocy this shit has reached. Everyone, look at this guy and understand, the moment you are celebrating a game NOT making it on a platform (or raging when it does) THIS GUY and all the idiots signing this seriously, is you. Congratulations.

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